Long time, no see.
I love my job, but I find that one of the hardest things to do as a Research Station Archeologist is to find time to write…that obviously includes blogging. But I plan on returning to blogging this year for therapeutic reasons.
Last month—March 17th to be exact–was my 15th anniversary of being married to my wife. However, it is a bittersweet day.
TJV and I have been living 5 hours apart for the last 4 years as I have taken up my post in southwest Arkansas, and her job keeps her in northwest Arkansas. This fall I could tell that we were no longer connecting in the way we once did…over the holidays, we spent some time together (instead of visiting our families) and it came out that TJ no longer wanted to be with me. Although one might say we’ve been geographically separated for some time, we have now officially “separated.” I am very sad at our parting.
This is not for any of the reasons that many people might think…but, in truth, I do not really understand the reasons completely…I’m one of those guys that need to talk everything out, but, unfortunately (for me), TJ is not one of those folks…so we talk…but we don’t talk about why we are where we are. But what I can say is this:
TJ has spent her entire life fighting for her independence. It is something she holds very dear. In truth, her independence is one of the things that I love about TJ…although I did often wish she seemed to need me just a little bit, it was the strong-willed, assertive TJ that I was in love with…In retrospect, maybe I shouldn’t be surprised that she would rather be alone.
I have known the Waylon Jennings song “Just Because You Asked Me To” all of my life—I cannot remember ever not knowing the tune. One of the lines of that song is:
“I’d even walk away from you/
Just because you asked me to/
Lord, I hope you never do.”
…I have sung this song about a million times to TJ…Although a big part of me does not want to make this easy–wants to fight tooth an nail to keep TJ–if I am going to be true to how we have always talked about our relationship being…I have to let TJ go…
We had a great run…and times that I will always remember. I will always treasure my time with TJV…I will always love her…I am deeply hurt, but I sincerely hope she has a wonderful life and finds what she is looking for…
As the name of my blog implies…further along we’ll know more about it, further along we’ll understand why…